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I saw her tonight,
that girl I had so delicately avoided for what seems like the last century
and I felt- knives stab through my heart.

she was exactly as I remember.
Hair- black as night and
eyes- painted with some mystery I dreamt of discovering.
I wonder if her wrists still held the scars.

I held myself back from clicking that add friend button,
held myself back from a lifetime of pushing back that knife from my memories.
But I slipped
and felt that lifetime shatter on the floor when she accepted
when I saw that she was happy and
proudly protected by some man I could never be,
what did I expect?
She is powerful
she overcame more scars than I dreamt up and
avoided more fists than a mother could clench
but she is not real
I made her up, stripped her down and forgot where I placed the parts

I remember how I loved her,
and I suppose that's all I really wanted to remember,
maybe that she loved me too that she-
held me ontop of the world one while continuing to break my soul
she- inspired me.
She changed my life.
She never changed
And so I smoke one more cigarette.
and hope this lifetime I was promised ends sooner than expected