I stole this from a dating website, made some tweaks and added line breaks. Deal with it.
I really wanted to write a witty self-summary
something that would blow your mind and make you roll off the surface of the planet, but-
it seems like I can't.
It's unlikely I will ever make you roll off the surface of anything, really.
And you should be glad about that
You want a self summary?
Let's create a metaphor,
because I can.
I guess I'm similar to that old postcard-
the one you received from your aunt when she was visiting Acapulco years ago.
You were much younger then,
It was the cheesy postcard, picturing palm trees, blue sea, a disturbingly bold cruise ship and a massive hibiscus flower
assembled together in a master piece of photo editing which seemed to affect you more than you thought it could.
It was new, interesting, colorful.
Later, you found this postcard again,
rotting in a box filled with papers,
and you remembered this feeling despite everything.
Despite how poorly executed it looked and how different you felt about it,
you couldn't get yourself to throw it away.
You could say I'm just like this postcard, I usually bring good news.