Her bags

We've been fighting these battles for centuries
we've been- suffering
I watched her suffer more than she could handle
and, I can't imagine someone saying she deserved it
she didn't deserve anything and yet
she deserved the world
If only I could have handed it to her maybe she would have been safe-


You slit your wrists deeper than oceans and crawled inside them,
and I've been counting how long it takes before that blood turns blue and you finally have to come back up to breathe.
I can imagine you battling monsters, with large teeth and no eyes,
the kind that lurk in flooded school basements and wait for little children looking for somewhere to escape to.
How long can you hold your breath?
Seems like you've been holding it since the day you disappeared and-
the only signs of life have been the tiny bubbles that seem to crawl from your secrets,


When I asked her to inspire me
it was like emperors asking villages to open doors so they could
spread greedy fingers into their soil as an attempt to stay grounded
sucking tiny bits of nutrients into long clotted veins and heartbreaks
as though she could teach me to bleed

Pregnancy dream

Last night-
I dreamt you were pregnant,
Belly- slightly extended casting shadows of a new life form

When I touched it I felt the bittersweet idea of our love- collapse
I knew it would never be mine and-
at 22, innocent, afraid to let lips touch-
I couldn't imagine how it could be yours either.

But I knew it was what you wanted
What you dreamt of


you died in her arms tonight,
and I know that's a feeling I could never comprehend but-
it shook my world.
Sent vibrations through innocent hearts when she placed you in my hands
expecting me to understand.
I could never understand-
How she could give more love to an animal, than her family,
how she could spend nights in empty beds expecting it all to be better.
how she could blame your death on my father who never laid a hand on you.
I guess she needed to blame someone
anything to make the pain stop.

To a random girl on a dating website

She's been lost in her own world-
Finding the quiet amongst a carefree nightlife and
Still takes the time to watch sun rise until it sets,
It blinds her,
speaks to her in simple phrases we could never comprehend
sings in gender neutral ideas of what love truly is,
every moment is something special,
And she only wants to share it with that someone special
someone who only fears breaking hearts and
would never fear to break that silence.
This is her joy,
drama free and laid back


he calls her a dumb bitch
Language I'm sure he learned from divorced parents and
a father that was as real to him as santa clause
He says no offense but she- is fucking stupid
and I'm sure he's carved these walls of emotionless feelings from his history
Trying to mimic the father he has always hated,
because it's all he knows of manhood
I bite my tounge
hoping that his future will sting more than my past
and maybe karma will find its equilibrium somewhere between our impossible friendship
He knows I hate when he does this

Memories of evolution

I thought of you the other night,
Felt you creep through dreams I thought ended years ago and-
remembered that pain.
I remembered those nights of held breath counting seconds until I heard your voice,
they passed like centuries,
to know you were still alive.
I remembered those days of counting syllables in your name,
trying to find the places we overlapped as though to justify us as real,
I don't know why I played those silly games where-
I told myself if I survived just one more day,


Truths about my feelings for you, written hoping you never see them. Knowing one day I will have to show you.

doll2 [final?]

I can't accept this ring from you because I don't want to imagine you love me.
I don't want to fall into the cycle of sleepless nights,
memorizing the imperfections on this small piece of metal and-
wondering where they last touched your skin.
Where I last touched your skin,
that dream which swallows this heart alive and-
holds it captive until rescued by truth-
that this will never happen.